Call it the twenty-something crisis—when uncertainty itself is uncertain, insecurity unraveling, getting quickly emotional over things that didn’t strike a chord before.
When you see successful people your age—making waves, their presence felt, recognized for what they do, reality kicks in. Have I made a wrong turn in self-discovery? Why can’t I find my true calling right about now? Is this IT? Oh, the joy of figuring out exactly what you want to do while you are still, technically, young, wild and free. Isn’t it nice to be sure and confident and relieved that this is IT early on in the game? All that’s left to do is to be better in that.
But not everyone is given the gift of enlightenment as early as the others. Instead, you seek to find meaning in the mundane, thinking that someday, somehow, that big break is out there, somewhere. Or that whatever it is that you are meant to do and do well is only a few steps away from actualization. Or you are actually doing it already, you just don’t understand it yet. You hang on to the belief that the universe is just waiting for the right time to hand it to you. So you sit and wait, wasting the hours on the shoulds, coulds, whys, whats and hows instead of being who you want to be and enjoying every second of it
Each tomorrow is filled with hope. Waiting, wishing, hoping, only to be let down. They say the best things in life are those achieved through hard work, perseverance and skills—but sometimes it’s luck/opportunity/timing that paves the highway to success.
You’d make it big someday, they say. And you took their words–hook, line and sinker–as gospel truth. You believe how all these things would lead to your biggest dreams and aspirations; the “connect the dots moving backwards” will prove to be true. But to find it, let alone discover it is the hardest part.
At the end of the day, you think of the should/could have beens had you chosen another track. You convince yourself that there is no use regretting over things that can no longer be changed, and that what you have right now came from making a wise decision.
I am jaded, impatient yet hopeful of bigger, brighter and better things to come.